When you come closer to your due date, you realise that having a second child could be harder than you thought. This is because you start to remember what the first weeks with a newborn are like. When you had your first born, you and your partner were both prepared to change your life. With your first child you were much more flexible and taking turns in doing stuff for yourself taking time for yourself was possible. Now that your second child is coming, you'll have instead of one person that will be changing your life you will have your firstborn that might have a routine and you will also take care of a newborn that would benefit from their own routine.
When you already have a routine
When you are a parent who likes to have the same routine for their family or for their firstborn, welcoming a second child could be challenging. Not only for you as parents but also for your firstborn. The routine that you had and that worked for you will be stirred up by your second child and you will have to make a decision. Is your newborn going to adjust to the family or is your family going to adjust to your newborn? This is something you can think about when you are still expecting.
When things don't go as planned
With some families having a second baby is just as easy as having their first or their fifth baby. Most babies of those families are very calm, they sleep a lot and they are happy after every feed. Unfortunately it doesn't always go that way. When your second baby has reflux, an allergy or something undiagnosed it can be completely different. This is usually also the moment when you realise that your newborn won't adjust to your family but that the family has to adjust to your newborn. This could be hard for everyone including your firstborn.
Can I prepare for the arrival of our second child
As you don't know yet what life is like with your newborn, you can not prepare for that part yet. However you do know your firstborns and his/her routine. What you can ask yourself is how easy can someone take over tasks with your first born? Some examples are: would this look better in dot points? when you take your firstborn into a bath or shower, can someone do it for you or do you need to adjust their routine so that someone can do their bath time for you? Can someone drop off and pick up your firstborn at school, kindy or daycare for you? If not, what can you do to adjust the routine? When you are wondering why you need to think about your original routine is because you might have forgotten how long feeding, burping, rocking, changing nappies and skin to skin time can take. Especially in the first three weeks after your baby is born you are literarily "stuck" to your baby. As powerful and as amazing you are as a parent, you only have two hands.
Why is keeping a routine for my firstborn important?
For some children a newborn can feel really invasive. The best thing you can do for your firstborn is keeping their routine. So much is changing already for your firstborn, keeping his or her routine the same is something they can hold on to. Something that feels predictable, feels safe. When you know that some of your firstborn's routine has to change when the newborn is coming, start as soon as you can. When you can change the routine of your firstborn weeks before the new baby arrives, your firstborn doesn't experience it as having to adjust because of the baby.
Preparation is key
I hope this all doesn't sound too overwhelming or even scary. Just keep in mind that preparation is key and that everything will work out for you. Be easy on yourself in the first weeks when you are adjusting as a family of four. Keeping a routine for your firstborn is good but not when it stresses someone in the family out. Make sure that your sanity and health is always more important than sticking to a routine. Also reflect on your routine daily instead of thinking "this is the way we have always done it so it should be this way" try to stay flexible.
If you feel stuck, think to yourself 'is will this thing that I am worried about still important in five years?' If that is not the case, don't spend time worrying about it now.
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