One of the many challenges in life after giving birth is resting without feeling guilty. Of course it's not the resting part that is the challenge but the not feeling guilty part. How do you rest or take time to do what you love without feeling guilty?
The reason I am writing this blog is because as a parent I know all too well how hard it can be to rest or doing something I love without feeling guilty. Most of the parents I work with share the same guilt and now I see how unfair it is. I understand when it is dinner time and your house is a mess, you didn't do the washing, the laundry is not folded yet and your plate is still on the kitchen bench that you can tell (lie) yourself that it is a mess because you didn't do anything but that is wrong. That is where it starts. You are now telling yourself it is a mess because you didn't do anything all day but that is not the truth.
When you did not get everything done doesn't mean you haven't been doing anything.
When we tell ourselves that tasks in the house are not done because we either haven't been productive or efficient enough, we are lying to ourselves. When we believe our lie, we could also believe we do not have a right to just sit and do nothing because we have already told ourselves we haven't done anything because of how the house(hold) looks.
Imagine you have been busy all day but you can't see it and you didn't have a rest at all. What do you tell yourself after that day. Have you failed? Or do you realise that you have been busy but you just don't know with what? Let me remind you. Feeding is not resting, getting your baby to sleep is not resting, walking with the pram so your baby can sleep is not resting. Sitting behind the computer and doing admin is not resting. Getting the baby ready and going to parents group or a class is not resting. When you do all those things during the day and you haven't attended to the household you did not rest.
What is resting?
To me resting is doing something you love and taking the time to just do it, even if that means sitting and relaxing. To not worry about what doesn't get done while you are doing it. To not worry about what others think while you are doing it. To not think about what you have done or said before you started doing what you love to do.
To just sit / surf / run / walk / read / have a coffee alone / shop. Not with your phone, not while minding the baby or a sibling. Just do it and not feel guilty about it. Do you realise how much you can recharge by not feeling guilty while you are doing what you love? A lot!
You are doing yourself and your children a favor.
When you are a parent it is the same as that you are "on" twenty four hours a day. Nothing can stay "on" for days, weeks or months on end. You need your time to recharge. If you can't take the time to have a sleep, take the time to rest. You will notice that is will give you more energy and you are a good example for your children. It is is good for your mood and it is good for your health. When you teach your children that you are also you instead of only a parent, you are teaching them a valuable lesson. This is where the guilt of resting or doing something you love can stop.
What are you teaching your children by doing what you love?
You want your children to learn that they should take care of themselves. You want to teach them by showing them that you are important. That taking time for yourself matters. That parents are better parents when they take care of themselves. That everyone benefits when people are taking care of themselves. That great example you get whenever you are in an airplane and you hear the flight attendant say that you need to put your own mask on before you put your childs mask on. Same goes for taking care of yourself. When you stop taking care of yourself, in the end it will not benefit your children and they will not have the same parent as the parent who makes sure they are taking care of themselves first.
Pleas let us know if you want to talk about anything that bothers you or you need help with, we are happy to help you out or guide you. https://www.cradlecare.com.au/contact
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