This question has been very important since Gavin Larkin started asking it in 2009 and now in 2020 it has become even more important than it has ever been before. People are isolated, and some people including myself are far from their family and friends that they haven't seen in a long time. More and more people are not ok at the moment including mothers. New mums, mums of mums, mums without mums, pregnant mums, mums that are in despair. Any type of mother or not, everyone is important and everyone should have someone that takes care of them and asks them on a regular basis if they are ok...
How are you? How do you actually know if you are ok? How do you know if your loved ones are ok? On the R U OK? website there is a helpful video about how to ask if someone is ok and what to do if their answer is no you can find the video here
Since I am working with mothers all the time I have learned a bit more about when a mother says she is ok and when a mother is really ok. This is a very important role as a carer because very often and almost always a mother says that she is ok when she is not. Since it takes one to know one, I must be honest about this I have done it a lot of times as well. I said I was ok but actually I wasn't. Why? Why did I do it? Is it because other mothers seemed to be ok so I should be ok too? Is it because I didn't want any help because I wanted to prove to myself or to others that I had everything under control? It is something I do but I am not proud of it because I have discovered in the long run that I kept doing it and it became my new normal and that is very dangerous.
This one of the many reason why I started Cradle Care in Australia. If it wasn't (almost) compulsory in The Netherlands to have someone come to my house to take care of me, I would certainly not have been as ok as I was with help in our house. Our carer prevented a lot of problems for us and I am still forever thankful that I gave birth in a place where helping mothers at home in the first weeks after birth is the norm.
With this blog I would like to support R U OK? day but I would also like to call out to everyone who knows someone that is going to give birth soon or has just given birth to check in on them. Check in on the mum, not the baby. Mum can take care of the baby, you can take care of mum. Help her out a bit with bringing a meal, hang up a washing or clean her bathroom. Check in on dad too, his life has changed a lot as well. Also check in on yourself. When you are saying that you are ok, are you really? Do you have a person that you can tell to that you are not ok? Does anyone around you have a person that listens to them? As I said now it is more important than ever to ask yourself, your loved ones, your colleagues or your neighbours if they are ok. If you haven't done it resently, do it today.
To go to the official R U OK? page click here
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