Something other parents won't prepare you for is the utter utter tiredness you will feel the first few weeks after you baby is born. Why does no one prepare you for that? Because no matter how often you tell a person how horrible it is to not be able to sleep, you can't imagine it until you live it. The good thing is, the fact that most parents have more than one child must give it away that the sleep deprivation will pass.
You are on call every three hours
The day after your baby is born, you are both still on a "high". S/he is finally here. Months of waiting have ended and all you can do now is adore them, feed them, change their nappies and rock them to sleep. Only the big change is, it is not on your terms, it is on you baby's terms. This new experience is something most of us haven't prepared for. The moment you decide to become parents together you don't think of the moment when your baby will take over your life. You also don't think about the first few weeks where you have to feed them every three hours over a 24 hour period. Yes, that means that the feeding will happen every three hours during the night as well. Even though it would be ideal to feed the baby for ten minutes, keep them up for ten minutes to burp them, change their nappy and put them back in bed, it usually does not only take thirty minutes, it takes a bit longer. Three hours after the last feed (no matter what you did in the time after the feed) you have to feed your newborn again.
Which parent will struggle more?
Everyone is different, everyone has a different sleeping pattern so I can not say which parent will deal with the sleep deprivation better than the other. What I have experienced over the last years is that the pregnant parent has had lots of sleepless nights before birth due to her pregnancy. She has gotten used to waking up in the middle of the night and having to fall back asleep again. She is also the one who gave birth and is maybe breastfeeding (which takes up a lot of energy) so she might be the one who will fall asleep quicker after waking up just because she is so exhausted. If her partner normally sleeps really well, s/he might have more problems in the first few days with being very very tired. As soon as the partner is used to the sleepless nights, and when they accept that this is their life for now, they can learn to work with the sleep deprivation.
Keep an eye out for each other
No matter how happy you are when your newborn is born, sleep deprivation is affecting you body a lot. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture in the army, you shouldn't underestimate sleep deprivation. When you don't have a support system to help you, you should both really look out for each other. Maybe make a schedule together that one of you gets at least a four hour or a six hour sleep per 24 hours. You are in this together as a team and will need to support each other to stay healthy. Your newborn will benefit from the fact you are taking care of yourself well. It is very important. What is also important is to support each other mentally. Keep communicating. Don't expect the other person to know if you are struggling. Don't expect the other person to know what you need. Keep informing each other what the lack of sleep is like for you and how it affects your daily life.
Can you avoid sleep deprivation?
In my opinion, you will just have to sit through the first weeks and accept the sleep deprivation. You would be able to hire a night nanny after a few weeks and let them take over the night with bottles but I recommend that in the first few weeks your newborn will need their own parents to be there for them. What you can do is ask for help from a friend, neighbour or relative to mind your newborn in your home while you catch up on some sleep. On paper this sounds very good but in reality it can mean that on the day someone is coming to help you out, your newborn wants to cluster feed and you are not able to sleep at all. Please be prepared for that disappointment.
It is a phase.
If you haven't heard it already, you will hear it now and for the next twenty (at least) years. It is just a phase. Same with sleep deprivation. There will be a night that you wake up in the morning, run to your baby and realise you just slept for six or even eight hours. That will be the start of a sleep rollercoaster. Some nights you will sleep for long periods an other nights your baby will either be just in time for their next feed or way to early. At some age (different for everyone) they will not need the bottle at night anymore. You will feel grateful for the sleep you will be getting but you will be sad to miss the night feeds because they are so special and intimate.
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