One of the biggest adjustments you will have to go through after you have given birth is that you won't have control over your life for a while. This might sound like an overreaction but most new parents experience it this way and it is a big shock. The irony is once you have had your first child, you think you are prepared for your second one but s/he can be completely different.
Before birth
When you are still pregnant you will prepare some things before you give birth. For example you can go to breastfeeding classes, pick bottles, choose the formula you would like to give your newborn, pick his or her first bed, clothes, nappies, bath, pram etc. This is what you can do to prepare yourself for the birth of your baby. You pick the colors as a parent, sizes and brands. These are all the things you can control for a long time after you have given birth before your child grows up and develops their own opinion.
What you can prepare to feel more in control after you give birth
Start freezing meals for after birth. Start looking for someone that could help you after birth. Maybe ask a friend, family or the neighbours if they could come around every now and then to check on you if you need their help. When you ask a neighbour to cuddle your newborn while you take a shower, it might be fantastic for the both of you.
Just after birth
As soon as your baby is born, you're no longer in control of most parts of your life. Your newborn will let you know when they want to be fed, cleaned, sleep and when they want you. They are depending on you twenty four hours a day. This is a bit hard to imagine when you have not become a parent yet. Your baby will not only take over your sleep routine, your sleep routine will mess up your life during that time. When you suddenly go from eight hours of sleep a night to barely any sleep you understand how that will impact your body and your life.
What you can do to feel more in control
When you are focused on getting more sleep or rest you do not care about your household or what you will eat that night. This is completely fine but coming out of your bedroom and seeing the mess that you couldn't clean up the days before does not make you feel any better. When your kitchen bench is clean, your floors don't stick and your laundry basket is empty it does make you feel better. Even though those things don't really matter when they aren't done, it makes a difference when they are done. When you have had another broken night and your living room is organised, your meals are in the fridge and you have clean clothes to wear, you feel in control because all those things are done. You can ask people to do this for you. If everyone you ask does one or two tasks, it can make a huge difference. If you do not have a helping family member of friend nearby you can also choose to outsource those tasks.
Three months after birth
When your baby is three months old you are getting used to your new lifestyle. If you initially tried to stay in control you have now let go and know it is for the best. Your baby has started something that we can call a routine and things are looking brighter. Just when you see things on the brighter side your baby starts a new phase. Between three and four months your baby becomes extremely clingy and again you are bound by what they want to do. However this time it is with a big smile, funny noises and an overload of cuteness. You have grown as well by this time because you understand the needs of your baby much better, and instead of guessing what your baby wants, you now know much better what they want.
What you can do to feel more in control
When your baby is going through that clingy phase and you are a stay-at-home parent it can be very overwhelming. Having to hold your baby constantly when s/he is awake is something you had stepped away from but is now back and, this can feel like a big set back. Remember you are not the only one, everyone goes through this phase. Reaching out to other parents and sharing your experience can help you. It is also a good idea to have some help from family or friends because with some babies you can not do anything without you holding them while in that phase and that can be very frustrating.
Six months after birth
You are now in a phase where you do not feel that your baby is the only one who is in control again. Your baby should now have a good routine during the day and you can actually plan things the way you want them to go and your baby will mostly follow your lead. Most babies are eating either fruit or veggies (or both) by now so things are definitely changing. Your baby still completely relies on you for sure, but you have more moments now where you can decide what you want to do and can do.
More in control and more time for yourself
At this stage it is much easier to feel in control and it is also easier to make more time for yourself. It is a really good habit to plan time in for yourself. Not only should you do this for yourself, but also for your relationship with your partner. You have been through a lot in these last six months and making time for each other is a fantastic way to reconnect in a new way. Hopefully your neighbour is still available for a cuddle with your baby so you can have dinner with your partner.
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